Even After You're Gone
by protejerinnocencia
Summary: Billie makes a trip to visit Christy's grave. She is a grieving woman, looking desperately for forgiveness for what she's done.


Even after You're Gone

Rain dripped off the edges of the jet black umbrella as the figure of a young woman moved in the mass crossing the street. Once across, she disentangled herself from the group, making her way along the slick sidewalk towards a tall wrought iron gate. Upon reaching it, she stopped to draw in a long breath.

"Come on Billie. You can do this," she urged herself.

"You need to do this," she whispered and pushed the gate open, stepping onto hollowed ground.

Breath caught in her throat as the gate swung lazily shut. It was probably just her imagination but she could feel the spirits of the dead breathing, their earthy breath brushing against her cheeks and hands. They seemed to be calling out to her from the afterlife, sensing her magical blood. She closed her eyes and for a fleeting moment, could have sworn she heard Christy's voice echo in her head. But she knew that was definitely just a figment of her overworked and grieving brain. Slowly, the blond began to move among to the graves and headstones, being careful not to accidentally step on them. After what seemed an eternity, she reached her parents' and sister's graves, still fresh in the earth. Too fresh. She let the tears fall, clouding her vision along with the rain that dripped into her eyes from the umbrella. All of a sudden she could not stand and she sunk to the soaked, freshly planted slabs of grass.

"I'm so sorry Christy," she sobbed, discarding the umbrella. She didn't care if she got soaked to the bone.

"I wish I could take it back. Take it all back," she continued, her nose starting to run.

She said nothing more for a long time. Her throat had closed up in grief. She was a murderer. She had killed her own sister. She hadn't even been thinking. Instinct had taken over as she'd watched that fireball come hurtling towards her. It hadn't registered to her what she'd done until after it was too late. She could have saved her sister, deflected the fire ball at a wall. But no, she was too overcome with betrayal and hurt. Of course she hadn't meant to kill Christy. Billie had no intention of her harming her sister.

"I don't know how I'm going to live with this on my heart. First mom and dad, all because of me. And then you," Billie finally managed to squeeze out through sore vocal chords.

"You have to know that I never meant to hurt you, Christy. I just…I was upset and scared and I didn't think. I just reacted."

She took a deep breath before continuing. "I can't stop thinking that you knew deep down we couldn't hurt the sisters. I know it was because of the Triad and Dumaine that you believed they were a threat. I just wish you could have seen how amazing they really are," she spoke softly, not noticing that she was now thoroughly soaked. Her shivering body and chattering teeth didn't even seem to alert her.

"I know you can hear me, Christy. I just know you can. So please, just tell me you forgive me for what I've done," the young witch begged, her eyes clouding with tears once more.

She closed her eyes and focused, shutting all the background noise out. She no longer heard the rustling of the drenched tree branches, or the hustle and bustle of the San Francisco streets beyond the gates of the cemetery. She concentrated on the spirit surrounding her, hoping that one of them would be Christy and answer her plea for forgiveness. She sat there in the still silence of her mind for quite some time. Just as she was about to give up she heard distinctly in her heard, as crisply as if she was standing next to her, Christy's voice.

"I know you wanted me to trust them but I couldn't. I'm sorry we never agreed on that. But I forgive you Billie. If our positions had been switched, I would have done the same."

Billie broke down, gripping Christy's tombstone for support. The stone was slick and cool beneath her fingers. She was shaking now, from emotional overload and the wet of her clothes. Breathes were coming shallow to the grieving girl now and the hammering rain did not help. Out of nowhere a voice called out to Billie, a familiar but somehow uncomforting voice.

"Billie? Billie!" Paige called, rushing to the girl's side.

"Are you ok? You're soaked," she commented. Picking up the umbrella and holding it over the sobbing witch.

"She…she forgave me," was all Billie could get out.

"Come on sweetie. Let's get you home and into dry clothes before you get sick," Paige urged gently.

Billie allowed Paige to help her up and walk slowly to a secluded area so they could orb back to the Manor. Billie didn't say anything as the whitelighter led her upstairs to the spare bedroom where Billie had been staying since Christy's death. Paige left the blond to change.

"Is she ok?" Phoebe asked as Paige descended the stairs.

"I don't know. The only thing she said to me was 'She forgave me'. So maybe she's going to be ok," Paige answered.

Billie changed into dry clothes and climbed into the soft bed, grateful to be dry. She hadn't been aware of just how cold she was. She looked out the rain-streaked window and managed a smile for the first time in days. Christy had forgiven her. She was going to be ok. She could move on now, knowing her sister forgave her. With that thought whirring in her head, Billie drifted off to sleep.


End file.
